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Birthday Blues

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to. Some people love birthdays. In fact, some people celebrate them for a full month. I am not one of those people. To be honest they are not a big deal to me. In a day and age of over-indulged kids, I even hate birthday parties. I love the old way of just the family giving a present and eating a special dinner together. But I think there is more. There's more to what's going on with me TODAY. It is my birthday. I am 39. I do not mind aging at all. I actually like getting older. Not loving the forehead lines, but getting older is just fine by me. The crying comes in because on the day of my birth I can't help but remember my mom. Mama has almost been gone 5 years. She died July 27, 2012. To have calls and cards from family but none from her is really heartbreaking. And my birthday is one week-ish from Mother's Day. So today starts a long week of mourning. I feel bad for my kids because I bring down their joy of loving me on these two days. But this year I just can't shake it. I am about to get on vrbo and look up beach houses for this week in 2018. I have to do something to break up the monotony of this week. And its dreary outside and has been raining for days which does not help. Not to mention a cycle of hormones. All in all its a sucky day. Sure I could choose to celebrate my life and the eternal life she has now. But, that's easier said than done. Truth doesn't always line up with feelings. Feelings sometimes win and I am ok with that. I have taken meds in the past that prevented any feelings and I don't like that either. So, today I will mourn. And tomorrow the sun will be out, it will be Friday and His mercies will be new. Thankfully they are new every morning. This picture was taken May 22, 2012, two months from her passing.

Comments

  1. DonnaMay 6, 2017 at 8:06 PM

    Beautiful post Shelley. Your mother was a precious woman who loved you and Robyn so much. You are such a good momma to your babies- I know you learned from her!

    ReplyDelete

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